california

California. Oh, that place. I've visited the Los Angeles area enough times in my short seventeen years of life to know what to expect now. I know some of the best places to eat, which overrated tourist traps to avoid, to politely say, "no thanks" to the people on Venice Beach who convincingly try to sell you their things. I know that the best view of the city is from Griffith Park, that a trip to Hollywood isn't complete without lunch or dinner at Skooby's, that traffic is expected no matter where you go, at any time of the day. It's nice to be able to feel like a local in a place so far from home, in a city so huge and full of people.

Griffith Park, Hollywood, the Santa Monica Pier, and Venice Beach are my go-to places when I visit, and while I'll never go to LA without visiting these places, I can't wait to someday adventure and get to know other parts of the area, too. One thing about LA is that there's never a shortage of things to do or places to see. I could explore that place for the rest of my life, and I'm convinced that this was just number whatever trip to California of many more to come in the future. 

thoughts on summer

So school starts exactly two weeks from now. And I had my last shift this afternoon before I have the rest of the summer off. And I leave for California tomorrow! 

Honestly, this summer hasn't been what I expected it to be at all. I was expecting long days in the sun, sleepovers with friends, trips to the beach, and a bucket load of adventures and memories to last me through the school year, but in reality, all I really got was 30-40 hour weeks at work and not much time to do anything else but sleep and eat.

But! I still have hope. I have exactly two weeks of freedom and two weeks to have the summer I was dreaming of. These next two weeks will be good. I'm determined to make them good.

untitled

I'm in the mood to write tonight. It's been a long time since I've felt this sort of lost feeling. I can't quite explain it, but if it could be described as the weather, it would be a cool November night. Not quite winter, but no longer summer either. When I think of writing I always go back to those days. Maybe it was because I was unhappy or maybe it was because I was bored, but writing seemed to come easily in those months. I guess there was a lot going on, and a lot going on meant that my brain was active and in use and maybe just maybe that's why I wrote as much as I did. But now it's summer and it feels like November and I feel lost and confused yet still so normal at the same time. It's late, or early I guess I could say, and I know that this feeling, as usual, will pass by the morning, but right now it's here, so I will write. 

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Something I wrote last month that doesn't make any sense at all but complete sense at the exact same time. 

i've grown, i've changed, and i've still got so much growing and changing to do

I sit here on the eve of my seventeenth birthday, thinking, reflecting, remembering. Seventeen? I've been waiting my whole life to say that number. I don't know what it is about it, but it just sounds older, more mature. More like a woman than a girl.

It's been a big year. Lots of changes, lots of challenges, lots of trial and error and feelings that I didn't quite know how to handle. But all the years are like that, I'm learning. Stacked between all of the good times, of course, almost like the few not-so-good books spread out between all of your favourites. 

I don't know what it is about birthdays that makes people so reflective and nostalgic. You wake up in the morning just like you would any other day and suddenly you're a year older. (And hopefully a year wiser). 

This year was a good one though. I've grown. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone more often than usual and have tried to be more adventurous. I've said yes to so many things that I would have normally said no to only because of my discomfort, and those few minutes of awkward silence or discomfort have always been worth the amazing things that were to follow. I've changed, too. Some good, some bad. You give and you take, I guess. Sometimes I wish I could go back to who I was at any certain time just for comparison and to see how far I've come, because I know I've changed so much in these past couple of years. I've grown, I've changed, and I've still got so much growing and changing to do. And that excites me. 

Happy times, friends. Go do something adventurous. Say yes to something you would normally say no to. I promise you won't regret it. 

thoughts and feelings and stuff

Oh, life. What an adventure. There's so much I want to say and no way to say it all. So much indecisiveness and not knowing why I feel the way I do and regretting not doing more. My days are so static lately. Waking up, going to work, coming home, sleeping, repeat. My summer hasn't been as big as an adventure as I wanted it to be and I have no pictures to share, because really, I haven't really been doing anything at all. Granted, the few things I have done and the few adventures that I have had have been amazing, but they're very few and far between. I feel like I don't have any friends anymore. Or a life. Honestly, I'm actually starting to miss school just for the social aspect of it, and that's saying a lot. 

life as of late

Sooooo, there's this little thing called "I've been an awful blogger and haven't updated on my life in like 5ever", and it's 1:05 in the morning and I really can't think of anything better to do with my time right now. Except for sleep, I guess, but that's boring.

There has been a whole lot going on in these past few months that I haven't really talked about on here, and there is a whole lot coming up in the next few months that I haven't talked about either, and really, I just have so much to share and no other place to share it all. If you follow me on twitter or instagram then you probably have a good idea of a lot of the things that I'm gonna talk about, but if not, here's the scoop.

Waaaay back in March I got a job! I think I mentioned it here once, but didn't elaborate too much. Basically, I got a job at McDonald's, which is so very stereotypical teenager of me, I know. Since school has ended I've been getting quite a lot of shifts these past few weeks and it's been pretty great. The whole actual working thing sucks sometimes, and McDonald's definitely isn't the nicest job in the world, but I really am grateful to have a job to fund all of the crazy hopes and dreams I have. 

I'll be visiting my sister in California at the end of August, and I can't wait to be back in the Los Angeles area! The last big trip I went on was to California in October of last year and I've been feeling all kinds of wanderlust these past few months. This travelling girl cannot stay home for too long! 

Thankfully, I won't have too long between trips after California as I'm taking a solo trip to Germany (!!!) at the end of September for Oktoberfest in Munich. I grew so incredibly close to all of the German exchange students this year and have felt completely lost without them in the past month or so since they've all gone back home. But! It won't be long until I get to see all of their pretty faces again in Munich, and I really, really, really can't wait. I'm so grateful to have a mom who works for the airlines (and who let's me sporadically fly all over the world by myself) and many friends and family all over the world to visit and stay with. 

Aside from all that, I got my wisdom teeth removed last week. They hadn't grown in yet so they were removed surgically, and it was a long few days of taking all kinds of different medications and laying in bed from dawn to dusk (not to mention sleeping 89% of the time), but it went a lot better than I was expecting. It's been just under two weeks since the day of my surgery and I'm almost back to my normal self! My jaw still gets achy every now and then, but other than that and a few stitches, I'm good to go! 

Really, overall, I'm just incredibly excited for my future right now. I start 12th grade this year and don't feel nearly as lost as I ever used to. I've come to terms with the uncertainty that is my future as everything always works out in the end. So many wonderful opportunities always arise and I hate to say no to any of them, so these next few years in my life will probably be spent wandering aimlessly, saying yes to everything, and really having no long-term plans. And for some reason, even though that should scare me, it excites me beyond belief.

So that's basically my life in a post. What's new with all of you? I really do miss what blogging used to be for me. I miss the community and being able to share what's going on in my life. I'd love to hear what you've all been up to!

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Photos from girls night with good friends a couple of weeks, months?! ago. Honestly, where does the time go?