not such a bad thing after all

I'm feeling nostalgic tonight, which is nothing new really. I've had a lot of spare time on my hands in these past few weeks, which has resulted in a whole lot of perusing old blog posts and journal entries, as well as quite the emotional ride down memory lane.

I don't quite know how to explain how I feel in times like these. I guess it would best be described as a cross between nostalgia and wanderlust, with a little something extra thrown in there too.

I'm trying to learn how to live contently during the down seasons of my life, how to be happy once the bustling days of summer have come to an end and there aren't any trips on the calendar for months to come.

I have a wandering soul, a restless heart, if you will. I don't have a hard time relaxing or spending my days leisurely every once and awhile, but it's only a matter of time before I feel the need to be out and about, exploring, and adventuring again. 

I read somewhere once that to always want to be on the move shows that there's something you're running from, and I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I've come to the conclusion that maybe it's true, but that doesn't have to mean that it's something bad, does it? Maybe the only thing I'm running from is an ordinary life, and maybe that's not such a bad thing after all. 

eighteen

I'm eighteen years old, and sometimes it takes me awhile to figure out my lefts from my rights. I'm eighteen years old, and I still don't floss my teeth sometimes, even though I know it's more important than brushing.

Sometimes I pound my fists into my pillow and scream when I cry, and sometimes I do the wrong thing and have to deal with the consequences later. Sometimes my morals go out the window, and sometimes I wonder how I'm not becoming a better person no matter how hard I'm trying to change. Sometimes I cry when I really don't need to, and sometimes I don't when I do. Sometimes I kiss the wrong boys, and sometimes I take three hour naps in the middle of the day. Sometimes I feel so happy that I can't even remember what it feels like to be sad, and sometimes I feel so sad that I think I'll never be happy again.

I'm human. I'm passionate, and alive, and messy, and wild. I do stupid things, I say stupid things, I mess up time and time again.

I'm eighteen years old and I've learned so much. I'm eighteen years old and there's still so much to learn. 

miscellaneous ramblings

I've had a hard time saying goodbye to summer this year. Partially because it's been one of the best summers of my life, but mostly because for the first time since I can remember, this summer ends not with the beginning of another school year, but with the actual changing of seasons.

Growing up is weird. It always has been and it probably always will be. 

I keep seeing photos and posts from friends who have gone away to school already, and I can't help but feel like we're living such different lives now. And while the smallest part of me wishes that I was experiencing the same things as they are, an even bigger part of me is enjoying all of this new found freedom and the realization that I can be doing absolutely anything I'd like to be doing with my life right now. We're living very different lives now, sure, but that doesn't make one version better than the other. 

Life has this strange way of never turning out like you expected it to. Moving back home has been incredible, but it's also a lot different than I expected it to be. A good majority of my friends are scattered across the country in different schools, and the ones that are still here are all busy with their new lives, just as I am with mine.

Things are different now. I guess I should have known that they would be, and I guess I sort of did, but with each passing day and every new decision, life is starting to get more and more real. Instead of discussing plans for the weekend, most of my conversations are centered around things like work, living situations, and car insurance.

I know that change is good for a person, and I know that there are so many better things ahead than the things I've left behind, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss the simple things on nights like tonight when the "real world" leaves me feeling lost and confused. 

life back home

I moved back home at the end of August. 

It took no more than three days of living in Vancouver to figure out that it wasn't right for me. I got offered a job as a live-in nanny back here in Nanaimo, and I just couldn't refuse the opportunity to be back where I wanted to be most. 

Life back  home in these past couple of weeks has been absolutely brilliant. I think I used to take time with friends for granted before I moved away from them, but now that I'm back, I realize just how important my friends and their company are to me. 

 

On my first night back, Maggie and I, and a box of timbits, headed up Sugarlaof mountain to watch the sunset. When I was homesick for Nanaimo, the two things that I was most homesick for were my friends and the ocean, so there has been a whole lot of both in these past few weeks. 

 

Kelsie and I went to Little Mountain the first Sunday I was back. I'd been wanting to go there ever since I first found out about it a couple of months ago, and we were up for an adventure, so we drove to Parksville, found the mountain, and even went to Coombs while we were at it. I'm so glad our weekly hangouts are back in session now that I'm back! 

 

Cassie and I snuck onto private property one night as the sun was setting. We almost got busted, but this view was so worth the risk. 

 

Sebastian Park with Maggie. One of my new favourite places to watch the sunset. 

 

I went to Tofino with my step-mom last weekend. We drove the four hours there with the windows down and the music blasted, went to Long Beach, and swam in the freezing cold Pacific. I don't know what it is about Tofino, but I'm absolutely in love with it. 

Another night at Sebastian Park with Maggie. The last time we were there, we saw some people had brought some sparklers to light as the sun was setting, so we decided to do the same. Those little sparklers are magic, I tell ya. I don't think I'll ever be able to watch a sunset from the beach without magic sparkling pixie wands now. 

I know at some point I'll have to go out into the world on my own and say temporary goodbyes to my friends, but now just doesn't seem like the right time for that. I'm so, so happy to be home, and I'm not planning on leaving again anytime soon. 

seattle with friends

About a month ago now, some friends and I made the trek to Seattle for a couple days of being tourists and seeing all that Seattle has to offer. Living just two hours across the border from this gorgeous city, I've been to Seattle quite a few times now. Yet somehow, in all those times, I've never been up the Space Needle. This time we did go up, and it was absolutely gorgeous! We also visited Kurt Cobain's former house and found some local parks with really great views of the city's skyline.

I love living so close to this gorgeous city. Seeing so much more of it this time around really made me fall in love with the place! 

a week with madi

Madi and I spent just over a week together at the beginning of the month. Last summer, we spent no longer than a single weekend together, and it was a big part of why last summer sucked so much. Summer just isn't the same without your best friend, so I'm glad we got more time together this year.

The week was full of everything that summer should be-- exploring the UBC Botanical Gardens, sleeping on an air mattress under the stars, lounging on the hammocks, blowing bubbles, running through the sprinkler, hanging out on a dock (a summer tradition of ours), biking to the store for froyo, adventuring downtown Vancouver, and experiencing the most beautiful sunsets. All of those things put together made for the most glorious eight days of absolute perfection. 

The weather was beautiful and my heart was full. I sure do love that best friend of mine.