a different kind of letter

I wrote a letter yesterday. But not the kind of letter you're thinking of. It was a letter to my dad who I haven't seen in over a year and a half, and it explains in excruciating detail why I don't want him to be a part of my life. It started out with him driving the 12+ hour drive from where he lives to come and talk to me and my sister. He called me yesterday to ask me when I would be able to see him to talk about "our relationship" because "it isn't right". This scared me for two reasons; first, because he didn't even talk to us before leaving, and second, my sister isn't even in town. 

My relationship with my dad has always been a sore spot for me, and although I normally try and push it off by saying I don't really care, I really do. With that said, I am so done with feeling this way, and I don't have room in my life for people who aren't going to make an effort to be a part of it. 

So there we go. By the end of the day, my dad will know how I feel, and while yes, I do feel bad that what I have to say is going to hurt him, it needs to be put out there. 

I feel weak because I'm not able to tell him how I feel face-to-face, but I feel good that I'm finally able to get this out of my system.  

If you have a dad who makes an effort to be a part of your life, go give him a big hug for me. You are so much luckier than you think!

xoxo - hope