It's 12:38 in the morning and I want to get back to what blogging used to be for me. I want to write about how I feel and what I'm doing and where I'm going. I just want to sit and write and not care about the views or the comments (or lack thereof) or just the general feedback that a post like this might get. Right now I feel lost. I feel like there are so many exciting things in my future but nothing exciting right now. I feel in between, like I'm doing everything and nothing at all at the exact same time. I'm not scared anymore. I've come to terms with the fact that the future will be what it is and that things will sort themselves out eventually, and more often than not, I can't wait for all of the exciting things that I'll be doing. I can't wait to continue creating a life for myself. One that, so far, has proven to be quite wonderful. But I also feel like I'm stuck. I know that I'm going places, but I feel like my life is paused right now. All I do is sleep and lay around and go to work and I hate that I'm not making more of my days. I'm not happy right now and that frustrates me. I'm unhappy and inspired and confused all at the same time. I hate to think that I'm only happy when distracted by hanging out with friends or going on adventures because it bothers me that I can't just be content with where I am. And I can't confess my feelings properly right now and I know that this will all be gone come morning time, but my goodness, I have emotions and they demand to be felt.
uhm yes, just this. i feel the exact same way right now. xx | natalia
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite posts of yours - it's very real and honest.
ReplyDeleteThe "in between" that you write about is something I've felt many times. I usually relate it to summer, and the lack of busy-ness.
Try to just go with the flow, enjoy all of your adventures, and hold onto hope that you will find your way when the time is right.
This is how I feel right now. I feel stuck in high school. I know what I want to do after high school, and I'm so excited to be able to start doing that and being an adult. But right now I have to finish high school, I have to slog through 2 more years before I can start "living" like I really want to. And I feel stuck in my neighborhood, which is almost suburban so I barely feel like I live in a city, so far from any sort of things to actually go out and adventure and do.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I have so many emotions too. Like about growing up, which is kind of tied with this... that I feel so old sometimes, like whoa I'm already 16? Already a junior? But at the same time I feel so young... like I'm almost an adult, almost, but still a kid because I've got to go to school and can't really go off to do the things I'm dreaming of doing.