I want to write, but I can't find the words. And I want to feel, feel something other than the uncertainty that's left me questioning every little thing in these past couple of days. I'm a little sad. I'm a little happy. There's something pretty awful going on right now and something pretty great, too, and even though the two are completely unrelated, I can't seem to celebrate the one thing without thinking about the other. I don't aim for happiness, because happiness is fleeting. Instead, I try to live my life for contentment, to be content in what I am given and what I am able to do. But right now I'm not content. I'm happy during the day and sad once the sun goes down, and I hope things will all go back to normal soon because I don't like this feeling one bit.
"I'm happy during the day and sad once the sun goes down."
ReplyDeleteThis whole thing is pretty darn accurate for me, too. (All of it, though this sentence especially is one that has punctuated the past few months of my life). Though I suppose for me it's the thought of fall coming that does it. On the one hand, I'll be someplace exciting, starting my last year of school, closer than ever to being able to leave. On the other, someone I love is moving far away. I find myself in this terrible predicament of being ridiculously excited for autumn, while at the same time dreading it completely. I guess the only cure for my happy-and-sad-conundrum is time; waiting until the end of August when it all comes to pass. But I hope this wave of up-and-down ends for you; I hope things go back to normal.