graduating is tough

"Maybe this would have been easier if I had been asleep, she said.

Maybe.

Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so good, either."

I stumbled upon the above words a couple of days ago and haven't stopped thinking about them since. They so perfectly describe all of my current thoughts and feelings in a way that no other words have been able to.

I feel like my emotions are at an all-time high right now. I'm feeling so much at once and it's somehow both absolutely terrible and incredible at the same time.

The past three years since I moved here and started going to ND have been playing through my mind on constant repeat. Certain events and moments more than others, but I feel as if I'm slowly going through the past three years and reliving all of it.

Graduating is tough. In a way, I almost wish I didn't have such a good time so it wouldn't be so hard to let it go now that it's over. It hurts. It hurts to leave such an incredible part of my life behind. It hurts to say goodbye to the people who have done so much to help me get to where I am. It hurts to close one door and step through another, one that isn't clearly labeled, one that could truly take me anywhere. It hurts, but it hurts so good, too. 

Whatever these next few years bring, I know it will be good, but that doesn't diminish the fear.