a year in review {two thousand fourteen}

2014 was one pretty incredible year. 

The fact that it's already over is completely beyond me, but there's no doubt about it that it was probably the most important year of my life so far. It was the year I graduated high school, moved out of my parents house, and got my license. In terms of growing up, this year's quota far surpasses any other. 

I'm not gonna lie, it's been a tough year. Graduating high school and leaving the comfort and security of routine and adjusting to a new way of living wasn't easy. I grew apart from a lot of people who meant a lot to me, and my routine-loving and goal-oriented self has had a hard time not really working towards anything in particular. Not being told where I'm supposed to be at this point in my life is strange, and all of these new-found responsibilities are overwhelming. What I'm learning though, is that the good always seems to outweigh the bad, and that sentiment is definitely true in this case. 

As hard as the graduation and post-grad days were, the end of senior year holds so many sweet memories for me. Knowing that something special is about to come to an end makes you wanna celebrate the hell out of it, and that's exactly what we did! Everything was exciting and everything was special. And prom? That perfect little prom night? It was just the cherry on top. 

This summer was also a good one! Three full months off of work and plans nearly every single day made me feel like I could really make the most of those glorious sun-filled days. Not to mention the most amazing trip to Ireland at the end of July, and a trip to Seattle in August. I didn't travel as much this year as I did the last, but the trips I did take were absolutely perfect in every way. 

I'm not exactly sure what 2015 will bring, but I'm really looking forward to it! 

Farewell, 2014. Thanks for the memories! 

a festive little victoria trip

I drove down to Victoria last week for a festive little visit with my very favourite human. We've been trying to plan a visit ever since I first got my license, but with both of us working full time, our schedules just never coordinated long enough to make it worth the drive. Until last week! And man, oh man, am I glad it finally worked out, because those three days were probably some of the best and most memorable days we've ever spent together. 

We went downtown for froyo and a peek at the Christmas lights around the city on my first night there, then I was bribed out of bed the next morning with fresh, warm, home-made cinnamon waffles. We went shopping, did loads and loads of Christmas baking, decorated a gingerbread house, exchanged gifts, and knitted while watching TV like the little old ladies we really are. 

It was an extremely festive trip, and it really got me into the Christmas spirit this year! I can't believe how quickly Christmas is creeping up on us, but I sure am excited! Especially with some time off for a visit with my parents in Vancouver and another visit with Madi at the end of the month!

This season is so good. 

six months

I'm so full of emotions tonight. Time seems to be flying by faster than ever before and it honestly scares the hell out of me. Whenever I tell someone that time is starting to go so quickly, they always respond with, "just you wait, it just goes faster and faster as you age", and I cry a little because I don't want time to go like this.

It's been six months since I graduated high school. Six months into the real world and I'm still in shock that high school has ended. These past six months feel like a blur. I've done a lot, and I remember everything, but in a hazy sort of way where it seems like more of a movie than my life.

I was texting a friend about this the other night and she responded with, "it's so hard to feel like you're living", and I totally get that. It's not that I'm not doing anything. In between work and sleep there are a whole lot of quick visits with friends, out of town adventures, and family gatherings, but I still don't feel like I'm living. I feel like a robot on repeat, going through the rhythmic patterns of life, not really stopping to take it all in and process it all. I feel like an outsider to my own life, and it's a weird feeling.

I'm not complaining though. Life is strangely good despite the long hours and lack of sleep, and I feel like I'm exactly where I need to be at this point in my life. Change is good for a person, but it sure is strange.

farewell november

November was a busy, busy month. I used to romanticize being busy when I was younger. I think it made me feel grown up to say that I've been busy, which is funny to me now, because if there's anything I've learned this month, it's that there's nothing romantic about it.

I started a second job at the beginning of the month. Two new jobs within a week of each other and more than forty hours a week is a sure way to keep someone on their toes. It's been mostly good, surprisingly. I didn't feel overwhelmed or overworked or too tired at all until yesterday when it all hit me like a ton of bricks, which resulted in a pretty shitty day.

Also at the beginning of the month, my entire family made their way down to Victoria for my cousin's wedding, and it was such a beautiful day. And since I was in the area for the weekend, I got to spend some time with my best friend, which was well-needed. We went out for dinner on the first night there, soaked in the hot tub, went for little walks in the country, collected farm-fresh eggs for breakfast, and had a little bit of a movie day. As I get older, I appreciate time with the people I love so much more, and time with Madi is always time well spent! 

I also managed to pass my road test this month, which means I'm one step closer to getting my full license, and can now drive on my own without anyone else in the car. Me and my little Honda Civic have been ripping around town like it's nobody's business, and I've gotta say, the freedom that comes with having your own car and your license is a dream. Being able to drive around whenever I want has resulted in a lot more time with friends and so many more spontaneous adventures! 

I'm hoping for a little bit of a slower month in December, with just a little more time to breathe. I'm really looking forward to the holiday season this year. I started listening to Christmas music the first day of November, and even more so now that one of our local radio stations plays nothing but Christmas music 24/7. 

Here's to the wild, but unforgettable month that was November, and here's to the last month of this whirlwind of a year!  

fall in photos

Fall always seems to come and go so quickly. Year after year, I'm always shocked at how quickly the days transition from long and warm to short and cold, and this year has been no different. 

I haven't done too much so far this fall. In October I started the process of looking for a new job. I handed out dozens of resumes, with no results at all until last week when I got called in for an interview and landed a job as a barista at a local coffee shop. It's not as many hours as I was hoping for, so I'm still in the process of looking for something else alongside what I already have, but I have two interviews in the next two days, so hopefully something comes of it! 

Kelsie and I went to a farm at the beginning of the month to get lost in the corn maze and wander through the pumpkin patch, and Madi came to visit for a weekend, too. It was so nice to have her in town for a couple of days, and we managed to fit a lot into our little 48 hour visit, but it ended way too soon. It always does, but such is life with long-distance friendships. 

As for the rest of the season, I don't have too much planned. I'm really looking forward to winter and the holiday season this year, but I don't want the beauty of these days to slip by either. 

not such a bad thing after all

I'm feeling nostalgic tonight, which is nothing new really. I've had a lot of spare time on my hands in these past few weeks, which has resulted in a whole lot of perusing old blog posts and journal entries, as well as quite the emotional ride down memory lane.

I don't quite know how to explain how I feel in times like these. I guess it would best be described as a cross between nostalgia and wanderlust, with a little something extra thrown in there too.

I'm trying to learn how to live contently during the down seasons of my life, how to be happy once the bustling days of summer have come to an end and there aren't any trips on the calendar for months to come.

I have a wandering soul, a restless heart, if you will. I don't have a hard time relaxing or spending my days leisurely every once and awhile, but it's only a matter of time before I feel the need to be out and about, exploring, and adventuring again. 

I read somewhere once that to always want to be on the move shows that there's something you're running from, and I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I've come to the conclusion that maybe it's true, but that doesn't have to mean that it's something bad, does it? Maybe the only thing I'm running from is an ordinary life, and maybe that's not such a bad thing after all. 

eighteen

I'm eighteen years old, and sometimes it takes me awhile to figure out my lefts from my rights. I'm eighteen years old, and I still don't floss my teeth sometimes, even though I know it's more important than brushing.

Sometimes I pound my fists into my pillow and scream when I cry, and sometimes I do the wrong thing and have to deal with the consequences later. Sometimes my morals go out the window, and sometimes I wonder how I'm not becoming a better person no matter how hard I'm trying to change. Sometimes I cry when I really don't need to, and sometimes I don't when I do. Sometimes I kiss the wrong boys, and sometimes I take three hour naps in the middle of the day. Sometimes I feel so happy that I can't even remember what it feels like to be sad, and sometimes I feel so sad that I think I'll never be happy again.

I'm human. I'm passionate, and alive, and messy, and wild. I do stupid things, I say stupid things, I mess up time and time again.

I'm eighteen years old and I've learned so much. I'm eighteen years old and there's still so much to learn. 

miscellaneous ramblings

I've had a hard time saying goodbye to summer this year. Partially because it's been one of the best summers of my life, but mostly because for the first time since I can remember, this summer ends not with the beginning of another school year, but with the actual changing of seasons.

Growing up is weird. It always has been and it probably always will be. 

I keep seeing photos and posts from friends who have gone away to school already, and I can't help but feel like we're living such different lives now. And while the smallest part of me wishes that I was experiencing the same things as they are, an even bigger part of me is enjoying all of this new found freedom and the realization that I can be doing absolutely anything I'd like to be doing with my life right now. We're living very different lives now, sure, but that doesn't make one version better than the other. 

Life has this strange way of never turning out like you expected it to. Moving back home has been incredible, but it's also a lot different than I expected it to be. A good majority of my friends are scattered across the country in different schools, and the ones that are still here are all busy with their new lives, just as I am with mine.

Things are different now. I guess I should have known that they would be, and I guess I sort of did, but with each passing day and every new decision, life is starting to get more and more real. Instead of discussing plans for the weekend, most of my conversations are centered around things like work, living situations, and car insurance.

I know that change is good for a person, and I know that there are so many better things ahead than the things I've left behind, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss the simple things on nights like tonight when the "real world" leaves me feeling lost and confused.