02 October 2015

this is nineteen

 photo 0017_8A_zpsfuev7wib.jpgfilm photo from early this summer

I still care about all of the things I should have gotten over months ago. Every time I think I have something figured out, it changes on me again and I'm back to square one. I still panic about my future and don't always know which direction I should be going. The four friends I see on a regular basis now mean so much more to me than all of the friends I used to have in high school. I'm still not used to working full time. I feel like I should have a better handle on my emotions and the way I handle things. I still mess up time and time again and really wish I didn't. Even the simplest things seem impossibly hard. There are weeks where the only socializing I can commit to is laying with friends in mine or their beds. I watch a lot of Netflix while wishing I was doing something productive. I write a lot of lists of things I should do but never seem to have the time to do them. I'm trying my hardest to be the best possible version of myself. 

I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying. 


  1. Trying is significant, and sometimes that is enough. Sometimes Netflix is more important than all other things. Sometimes laying in bed with your friends is as much as one should do. These moments will pass and you won't get them back - do what makes you happy, even if it's not something that you feel is "productive." You have plenty of time to figure everything else out, I promise you that!

    1. Thanks for your sweet words. It's such a time of transition and I only seem to write about the parts I'm struggling with. This time is good, too, and I need to learn how to focus more on that!