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These days are fleeting. That's what I'm learning. They're limited, coming to an end. This time, this era, my life, the way it has been for the last seventeen years, it's changing. Everything I've ever known is slowly fading out of sight. The things I'm doing, the people I'm with, the life I'm living, it's so different than what it ever used to be. Different, but not bad. It's strange, really. It all happens slowly. One thing changes, two things change, three things change. Daily, nothing seems any different, but then you look back and realize that everything has changed.

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Inspired by Kinga, and her most recent posts, I'm going to start working my way through my drafts folder and publish little bits and pieces of writing that I never thought this blog had a place for. This is the first, something I wrote in December regarding school, senior year, graduation, and all of the changes that come with it. 

i'm frustrated

I'm frustrated. It's 9 PM on a Friday night and it's been a rough week. One of those weeks where I just couldn't shake away that negative cloud hanging over my head. One of those weeks where no matter what anyone says, it's the wrong thing. It's been tough. I'm normally not a negative person, I'm normally not frustrated or angered easily, and I normally have enough control over my emotions and my actions that I feel alright. This week was different. I was frustrated and mad and, more than once, felt like punching my fists into a pillow.

More than one person told me to change the way I am this week. One of my teachers told me that I was too outgoing and open and needed to be more "mysterious", a friend told me that I'm "square" and "prudish", and once I mentioned something about how the two comments I mentioned before had bothered me, another friend told me that I take things too personally. 

And maybe I do take things too personally. Maybe the things they said mean absolutely nothing to them, and maybe the words just rolled off of their tongues without a thought. I understand that people say things they don't mean all the time. I understand I may be looking too much into a simple, passing comment, but the thing is, I like myself. I've suffered with not being happy with who I was for years. I've changed things that I don't quite like about myself and I've recreated myself into a new person who I'm able to accept. People have the hardest times trying to be okay with themselves and accept who they are, so who in their right mind has the right to tell them to change? 

I just don't think that's right. It takes a long time to come to terms with who you are. It takes a long time to find yourself. And once you do, you really shouldn't be told to change, should you?

I don't know. Like I said, I'm frustrated. I've missed writing my thoughts out like this on here. As much as this blogging community is sort of slowing down lately, I'm glad I have this little space to share my thoughts and feelings when I need to.

Thanks for reading, and sorry for the rant. Life is good, people just suck sometimes. 

munich in video

Music by The Sam Chase.

I was bored this morning and was going through a bunch of photos and videos on my computer when I came across  all of the video clips I took while I was in Munich last September. I guess I got caught up in school and life and everything that keeps life busy when I got home that I completely forgot about putting together a montage of my trip. So here it is. Munich in video form, four months after the fact. Gosh, I miss that place.

life is good

I've been thinking tonight. Life is starting to get so real. We're just a few weeks shy of the second semester, meaning that I have less than five months of knowing exactly where I'll be and what I'll be doing. It's funny, actually, how afraid I use to be of the future, because now, as it gets closer and closer, I'm starting to realize that everything is going to work out just fine. 

Kelsie and Hannah slept over last night. Grade twelve has brought me closer to so many people, but these two friendships are something I am so grateful for. We laughed until we cried and made tea (and hot chocolate for Kelsie) before huddling on my bed and talking for hours and hours by candlelight. It was one of those good life talks. The kind I crave, the ones where we question everything and can't find the right words to express the things floating through our heads. 

It was good, life is good.

frames from vienna

The last couple of trips that I've been on have been so hard to write about. I don't know what it is, but I just don't have the ability to share like I used to. Just like the trip I took to Munich in September, this trip to Vienna was so personal and emotional, and I just have a really hard time trying to explain my experiences there. I had a really, really, really good time and Vienna is beautiful, but the best part of the whole thing was just being able to spend some time with a couple of my very favourite people. After all, people are the sole reason of what makes life worth living.