24 February 2015

the most miscellaneous ramblings you ever did see

It seems like blogging has officially become a thing of the past. The little community we used to have here has dwindled down to practically nothing, and most days, it feels like I'm just writing into an empty void. I've thought about stopping blogging many times now, but can never seem to do it. There's not much I enjoy more than reading old posts from the past and remembering how I felt while writing them, and I've always blogged for myself more than for an audience, but lately I go weeks without even thinking about this little space of mine, then spend hours sitting in front of the keyboard trying to figure out how to properly portray my life these days. 
A repetitive life leads to repetitive blog posts, and I know I've said it before, but I honestly don't do much these days except for work, sleep, and eat. 

I'm in a little bit of a rut these days. Working eight and a half hours a day, five days a week is starting to take it's toll on me, and the restlessness of living such a repetitive life is settling in. I find it funny that people used to be concerned about me taking a gap year (or two), in fear that I would never go back to school, because there's absolutely no way I could go my whole life working at a dead-end, low income job. Working full time has really made me realize how much I want to go to school and get a career under my belt, but I also have so much I want to do before that happens. Is it bad that I'm eight months into my first gap year and still don't know when I want to go back to school? 

On a positive note, Madi and I booked flights to Thailand this weekend! It's crazy to think that the dream trip that came to fruition one cold October night during a phone call is really going to be happening. What's even crazier is that we leave in just a short 44 days! 

I'm hoping this trip will give me a little more clarity on what I want to be doing in these next couple of years. I have so many ideas and things I want to do, but I just can't decide on which ones to make a priority and which ones to save for later. Volunteering at an orphanage in India for six or eight weeks, packing my bags and doing some long-term travel in Australia, Europe, or Southeast Asia, or doing little bursts of working and saving, then travelling, then working and saving, then travelling, are all contenders right now. I may do all of them, I may do none of them, I may go to school in 2016, I may go to school in 2020, I don't even know anymore! And somehow I'm both absolutely okay with that and completely not at the exact same time.

Also, I just wanna say that I'm happy and chill and everything's okay. I don't regret taking time off of school, and I'm probably exactly where I need to be right now. I just have a lot of thoughts on where I should go from here and sometimes I feel like writing them all out, you know? 

So I apologize for the novel due to my indecisiveness towards my future, but hey, what's a girl to do! 

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