c'est le printemps, et je suis heureux

It's springtime now, with summer fast approaching, and I'm sitting here wondering how on earth tomorrow is the first day of May. In my mind, we're still somewhere in February, and it's been really hard for me to grasp exactly what's happened in these past few months. 

There have been many changes lately that I haven't really talked about -- a new house, a new job, and a sort of new me. I haven't been as happy lately. Up until these past few days my mood would swing from high to low, to low to high, and back again all within a few hours time. I experimented a bit more this year and tested my boundaries and did some stupid things that bothered me for a really long time. I didn't feel like myself anymore and didn't like what other people had to say about me. 

It was a hard few months of being sad after being happy for so long, and it bothered me more than anything that I was one of those people who "just didn't get it" like I mentioned one time here. But I didn't get it. Everything sucked and everything stressed me out and I really just couldn't deal with what was going on. The song lyrics "I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it" ran through my head over and over again, and quite frankly, it just sucked. But I'm happy now. Happier than I've been in a long, long time, and it feels so good to laugh for no reason and joke around with friends. It feels good not to be frowning all the time and worrying about everything, because really, that's no way to live life. 

Blessed really is the only word to describe my life, and I wish I'd remember that more often.

"Everything will turn out alright in the end, and if it's not alright, then it's not the end."

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PS- the title translates to "it's spring, and I'm happy" for you non French-speaking folks.

bye-bye, best friend, and a youtube channel

You'd think that after nearly five years of living in a different city then your best friend, it would be a whole lot easier to say goodbye, but nope, it never gets easier.

I'll be the first to admit that my best friend can get crazy annoying (she'd say the same about me), but we always make the best memories together and it's so nice to be able to be 100% yourself around someone. This chick has seen it all-- the good, the bad, and the ugly, and she still chooses to stick around. Even after six years. Now that's friendship!

Anyways, all ranting aside, Madi and I mutually decided that it had been too long since we'd last seen each other and that it was about time for her to come to town, so that's exactly what she did. She arrived Sunday afternoon and left Monday night, and it wasn't nearly enough time together, but it was better than nothing!

We adventured downtown and took pictures and bought ice cream and laid out on the plush green grass under a blossoming tree and listened to music. It was a tiny little taste of the summer that's fast approaching and it was as close to perfection as it gets.

Madi, thanks for being my best friend. You're pretty great sometimes, ya know.

Also, now would probably be a good time to mention that I started a YouTube channel! Madi and I filmed the best friend tag while she was in town, so I put that below if you'd like to watch. And if you want to see future videos from me, please visit my channel and subscribe, as I won't be posting all videos on here!

 

untitled

9-10-2012

My mind is always such a jumble of thoughts and feelings that I can barely keep up with it. One moment I'll be thinking about how wonderful it is that I'm growing up and planning a future that isn't quite so far away anymore, then the next, I'll have tears in my eyes because I'm so overwhelmed with all of these complex decisions that I'm supposed to be making.

Honestly, I think it's quite unfair how we're in school for as long as we can remember then thrown out into this giant world to figure things out for ourselves. How are we supposed to know what we want to do and where we want to live and what's realistic and how to figure it all out? 

---

I found the above piece of writing under a myriad of crumpled up and forgotten papers while cleaning my room sometime a few months ago. The words were messy and written in blue ink, phrases crossed out and rewritten. I don't remember writing those words, but I do remember how I felt -- how I still feel. 

I talk so often to my friends and family about what it is that I want to do. I tell them that college isn't a necessity for me and they tell me that it should be. I tell them that my only priority is to see as much of this world as I can while I'm young and they tell me that I won't be able to do it unless I have a high paying job. I tell them that the times have changed, that I can follow my dreams and do what I think is most important for me and they tell me that I'm just naive and to "just wait and see".

But I don't agree. I'm not naive, and I know that it may be hard. I know that maybe I'm not setting myself up for the best life possible by not going to school right away. I know this. But I also know that I'm only going to be happy doing what I like. And what I like is travelling and life and friends and good times. Not sitting for hours on end in a school that doesn't teach me much about any of those things.

When I read this a few weeks ago, all I could think was "this is it, this is how I feel". I want to print it out and hang it on my wall and point towards it every time someone says that something I want to do isn't possible. Because it is possible. And if it's my priority, I'm going to make it happen. Just you wait and see.

two years

It's been exactly two years since I wrote my first post on this little blog of mine. What a wild two years it has been! I've had my ups and downs and ins and outs, but overall, I really couldn't imagine where I would be if I hadn't clicked that "make a blog" button all those months ago. I've learned so much through this community -- both about myself and about the world -- and I've met so many amazing people, this year especially, that I never would've been blessed to meet had I not shared my writing and photos here.

Two years, 316 posts, 123 followers, and 1284 comments later, here I am. 

I've asked myself why I even take the time to do this a whole lot more this year than last. What's the point? Why share my photos, my writing, my life? And honestly, I'm not too sure why I do it. I do it because I enjoy it, and that's all that really matters isn't it? I learn and grow and change so much each year, and I really can't wait to see how I evolve in the next year of my blog's life. 

Now for a trip down header memory lane, just like last year. 

Happy Birthday Blog!