17 April 2013

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9-10-2012

My mind is always such a jumble of thoughts and feelings that I can barely keep up with it. One moment I'll be thinking about how wonderful it is that I'm growing up and planning a future that isn't quite so far away anymore, then the next, I'll have tears in my eyes because I'm so overwhelmed with all of these complex decisions that I'm supposed to be making.

Honestly, I think it's quite unfair how we're in school for as long as we can remember then thrown out into this giant world to figure things out for ourselves. How are we supposed to know what we want to do and where we want to live and what's realistic and how to figure it all out? 

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I found the above piece of writing under a myriad of crumpled up and forgotten papers while cleaning my room sometime a few months ago. The words were messy and written in blue ink, phrases crossed out and rewritten. I don't remember writing those words, but I do remember how I felt -- how I still feel. 

I talk so often to my friends and family about what it is that I want to do. I tell them that college isn't a necessity for me and they tell me that it should be. I tell them that my only priority is to see as much of this world as I can while I'm young and they tell me that I won't be able to do it unless I have a high paying job. I tell them that the times have changed, that I can follow my dreams and do what I think is most important for me and they tell me that I'm just naive and to "just wait and see".

But I don't agree. I'm not naive, and I know that it may be hard. I know that maybe I'm not setting myself up for the best life possible by not going to school right away. I know this. But I also know that I'm only going to be happy doing what I like. And what I like is travelling and life and friends and good times. Not sitting for hours on end in a school that doesn't teach me much about any of those things.

When I read this a few weeks ago, all I could think was "this is it, this is how I feel". I want to print it out and hang it on my wall and point towards it every time someone says that something I want to do isn't possible. Because it is possible. And if it's my priority, I'm going to make it happen. Just you wait and see.

3 comments :

  1. ugh. this is so good. and no joke, i just talked to three friends about this same thing tonight. especially traveling, and how much i don't want to spend four more years sitting in classrooms and studying for tests. i'm going to do a lot of soul searching in the next few months to figure what on earth i want to do...
    we definitely should talk about this more! :)

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  2. Oh yes. This is always on my mind. I think my goal is to be content, and that that is more important than wealth or success or college. What's the point of doing something (whether it's college or a certain job or whatever it may be) if it's not going to make you content? Why not do what you really want to? Especially since really, life is short, and you never know what will happen and what circumstances will arise in the future, so it's best to follow your dreams now, while you can.
    I know I've said I want to move to England, and I wish I could do it right out of high school. Part of me wants to just not go to college, because that's an extra four years and thousands and thousands of dollars. But I'm also afraid of what I'll do "for a living" then. I'll need some job to live, and I don't want to end up working in a store forever, because I won't be happy with that. And... aargh. I don't want to end up writing an essay here.
    Gosh, I'm just confusing myself because (exactly like you said) my thoughts are all so jumbled on this! I hate that school just expects you to go to college and have a predictable, boring 9-to-5 job. It's not helping me at all.

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