california

California. Oh, that place. I've visited the Los Angeles area enough times in my short seventeen years of life to know what to expect now. I know some of the best places to eat, which overrated tourist traps to avoid, to politely say, "no thanks" to the people on Venice Beach who convincingly try to sell you their things. I know that the best view of the city is from Griffith Park, that a trip to Hollywood isn't complete without lunch or dinner at Skooby's, that traffic is expected no matter where you go, at any time of the day. It's nice to be able to feel like a local in a place so far from home, in a city so huge and full of people.

Griffith Park, Hollywood, the Santa Monica Pier, and Venice Beach are my go-to places when I visit, and while I'll never go to LA without visiting these places, I can't wait to someday adventure and get to know other parts of the area, too. One thing about LA is that there's never a shortage of things to do or places to see. I could explore that place for the rest of my life, and I'm convinced that this was just number whatever trip to California of many more to come in the future. 

thoughts on summer

So school starts exactly two weeks from now. And I had my last shift this afternoon before I have the rest of the summer off. And I leave for California tomorrow! 

Honestly, this summer hasn't been what I expected it to be at all. I was expecting long days in the sun, sleepovers with friends, trips to the beach, and a bucket load of adventures and memories to last me through the school year, but in reality, all I really got was 30-40 hour weeks at work and not much time to do anything else but sleep and eat.

But! I still have hope. I have exactly two weeks of freedom and two weeks to have the summer I was dreaming of. These next two weeks will be good. I'm determined to make them good.

untitled

I'm in the mood to write tonight. It's been a long time since I've felt this sort of lost feeling. I can't quite explain it, but if it could be described as the weather, it would be a cool November night. Not quite winter, but no longer summer either. When I think of writing I always go back to those days. Maybe it was because I was unhappy or maybe it was because I was bored, but writing seemed to come easily in those months. I guess there was a lot going on, and a lot going on meant that my brain was active and in use and maybe just maybe that's why I wrote as much as I did. But now it's summer and it feels like November and I feel lost and confused yet still so normal at the same time. It's late, or early I guess I could say, and I know that this feeling, as usual, will pass by the morning, but right now it's here, so I will write. 

---

Something I wrote last month that doesn't make any sense at all but complete sense at the exact same time. 

i've grown, i've changed, and i've still got so much growing and changing to do

I sit here on the eve of my seventeenth birthday, thinking, reflecting, remembering. Seventeen? I've been waiting my whole life to say that number. I don't know what it is about it, but it just sounds older, more mature. More like a woman than a girl.

It's been a big year. Lots of changes, lots of challenges, lots of trial and error and feelings that I didn't quite know how to handle. But all the years are like that, I'm learning. Stacked between all of the good times, of course, almost like the few not-so-good books spread out between all of your favourites. 

I don't know what it is about birthdays that makes people so reflective and nostalgic. You wake up in the morning just like you would any other day and suddenly you're a year older. (And hopefully a year wiser). 

This year was a good one though. I've grown. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone more often than usual and have tried to be more adventurous. I've said yes to so many things that I would have normally said no to only because of my discomfort, and those few minutes of awkward silence or discomfort have always been worth the amazing things that were to follow. I've changed, too. Some good, some bad. You give and you take, I guess. Sometimes I wish I could go back to who I was at any certain time just for comparison and to see how far I've come, because I know I've changed so much in these past couple of years. I've grown, I've changed, and I've still got so much growing and changing to do. And that excites me. 

Happy times, friends. Go do something adventurous. Say yes to something you would normally say no to. I promise you won't regret it. 

thoughts and feelings and stuff

Oh, life. What an adventure. There's so much I want to say and no way to say it all. So much indecisiveness and not knowing why I feel the way I do and regretting not doing more. My days are so static lately. Waking up, going to work, coming home, sleeping, repeat. My summer hasn't been as big as an adventure as I wanted it to be and I have no pictures to share, because really, I haven't really been doing anything at all. Granted, the few things I have done and the few adventures that I have had have been amazing, but they're very few and far between. I feel like I don't have any friends anymore. Or a life. Honestly, I'm actually starting to miss school just for the social aspect of it, and that's saying a lot.